Tarek Khwiss: ‘It’s always been difficult to be myself’

British-Palestinian choreographer and drag queen talks about dance industry, self-discovery and being gay in a muslim family. 

‘Being gay in a Muslim upbringing is very hard, but on top of that to be a dancer, I had to face a lot of trials and tribulations’, says Tarek as we sit in a busy Starbucks in Holborn, just minutes away from the dance studio where he teaches. Tarek wears comfortable clothes with his natural curls down. He finds time between lunch with his friend and his next class to meet me. 

Tarek grew up in Brixton, now an eclectic place but previously a no-go area. As a child, he always watched MTV and tried to learn Missy Elliott’s routines. However, he went to study childcare and it wasn’t until his high school teacher encouraged him to audition, that he changed his career path. ‘Back in the day, it wasn’t really in your face that there were courses to dance’, says Tarek. He juggled his childcare job with his dream job of a dancer for eight years until he finally took courage to quit. ‘I thought I have to make it work, I have to make it work. So I did that around three years ago and I’m not looking back since’, says Tarek about becoming a full-time dancer. 

In his classes, the choreographer encourages his students ‘ to be free, be you, be fabulous’. He says:  ‘Within my upbringing, and training and cultural background, It’s always been very difficult to be myself’. Tarek never came out to his family. When asked as to why, he says: ‘With my family, it’s always been known’. As Tarek was growing up, his sense of fashion changed and his voice never cracked. ‘I’ve never felt the need to come out to anyone because we are who we are and I don’t see my straight friends saying ‘Hey I’m straight’. I just felt I like guys and that’s that’, he laughs. 

He still had to face some difficulties as his relatives refused to speak to him back in Palestine. ‘It got to the point where I felt like if I have respected you all my life and you don’t respect me back, then there’s no point. Now I feel because the respect is not given back, the family relationship is not there anymore’. 

However, Tarek doesn’t seem upset about it. ‘I’m okay with that. Because for me again, all my life I’ve lived up to what you wanted me to do. So now I’m gonna be myself and once I discovered that, I just grew into a better person.’, he says. 

The choreographer admits that in the competitive world of the dance industry, it is still a struggle to be yourself. ‘The challenge is you have to be full-package’, he says. The dancer believes that everyone is talented but the image you create is crucial. ‘I think that’s what’s wrong with the industry…I’ve done jobs with people who accepted me for who I am, but there’s a lot of jobs that I’d love to do who are not ready for me yet’, he says. 

To change that, Tarek started his own company named Gawz.  Together with his team, they have done Levis’ jeans campaign, various music videos and choreographies for a few underground artists. Now the choreographer is working on re-branding his company into a lifestyle brand. ‘I think it needs to go a different way’, he explains. 

Apart from teaching dance, Tarek has found a new passion in drag performance. After watching season 10 of Ru Paul’s drag race, the dancer began experimenting with makeup and transformed into Bella Shaheed, who now owns a YouTube channel. ‘I’ve always felt like I have two personas’, says Tarek. 

When asked about his future goals, he hesitates for a second. ‘I’ve got a lot of plans, hun’, he says. Tarek is working on his New York summer intensive, as well as choreographing for a music video. His next big goal is moving to New York where he found his soul.